Inner Cats

The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallway

Have you read this book? You should.

(For my money I would avoid Barry Green's Inner Game of Music. The original is better, in my opinion.)

Here's a nice paragraph...

"The image comes to my mind of the balanced movement of a cat stalking a bird. Effortlessly alert, he crouches, gathering his relaxed muscles for the spring. No thinking about when to jump or how he will push off with his hind legs to attain the proper distance, his mind is still and perfectly concentrated on his prey. No thought flashes into his consciousness of the possibility or consequences of missing his mark. He sees only the bird. Suddenly the bird takes off; at the same instant, the cat leaps. with perfect anticipation he intercepts his dinner two feet off the ground. Perfectly, thoughtlessly executed action, and afterward, no self-congratulations, just the reward inherent in his action: the bird in the mouth."

Gallway, Timothy. The Inner Game of Tennis, p. 32.

Should you wish to buy this book, here's an Amazon link.

Coast Guard Audition Comments

Over on TromboneForum.org, Ben Griffin posted some excellent comments concerning their recent audition.

I cut and pasted his comments here. If you want to link to the original, here's a link to that forum..

=======================
First off all, thank you to the applicants for taking the time to come out an audition for the band. We had 60 applicants show (out of 77 possibles); we appreciated everyone's interest in the Coast Guard band.

Having been on the panel for both the Principal and Bass trombone auditions recently, I have noticed some disturbing trends through both auditions. I would like to note them, not to chastise those that auditioned, but rather to encourage people to work on aspects of their playing that will benefit them on any future audition, be it for a military band or an orchestra, as well as serve them well in their musical lives.

The most disturbing trend was that there was a distinct lack of fundamentals on display.

Out of tune playing, poor/inconsistent articulation (of legato, staccato, and everything in between), lack of consistency in sound qualities, and poor rhythmic integrity were endemic of the whole of applicants.

I am not sure how to expand upon this more as these are what we consider basic aspects of trombone playing; of music making on any instrument, really. Some serious woodshedding on these fundamental principles needs to be done. CORRECT practicing.

Period.

Beyond that, there was a severe lack of understanding of the chosen excerpts as well. Basic markings were ignored, inappropriate dynamics, tempos, and articulations, and again, out of tune playing. There seemed to be a lack of understanding as to what the panel expected to hear (i.e. what skills needed to be displayed) during these excerpts and a lack of understanding of how the excerpt fit into the composition it was taken from.

Some very basic faults that were displayed by all:

Tuba Mirum:

Nobody played the Bb major triad in the beginning acceptably in tune, or with even notes throughout (the second line D was often unsupported and the low Bb was usually of a completely different timbrel quality). In the phrase immediately following, the tonicization of Eb, no one lowered the dominant 7th (Fifth line Ab), or the 3rd of the Eb triad (fourth space G). The list of pitch errors were not limited to these phrases, nor were these the most minute of pitch errors.

Beyond that, there was poor rhythmic integrity, i.e. poor counting of rests and inconsistent tempo within sections. This counts.

Then there was a lack of understanding of how the trombone fits with the overall ensemble. It is not a total solo part, it is often a duet, and there have to be changes in the character to match the ensemble as well. Most applicants played this excerpt as if it were a Rochut; it is not.

Die Walkerie:

Very few applicant had any clarity to the fronts of the notes. It seemed that volume, i.e. a loud dynamic was more highly prized than clarity of articulation. That is not the case, and most peoples' sound quality at that dynamic was compromised by the uncentered, unfocused, imprecise attack at the beginning of the note. The result was a loud, splatty sound that has no place in any ensemble.

The accents and rhythm were inconsistent and all over the road. The accents of the dotted eighth, sixteenth, eighth triplet are on the downbeat, not the sixteenth (as most played it). Also, the rest of the unaccented notes should not be more prominent than the accents. The rhythmic integrity of the dotted eighth, sixteenth, eighth triplets were inconsistent and often innaccurate. Charlie Vernon discusses this aspect of this excerpt very well in his book.

The dynamic of fortissimo was often taken at an uncontrolled volume. The later forte was often ignored. Overall dynamic means nothing if it is not in control.

The pitch was often horrible. No excuse.

The tempo taken by some applicants was breakneck. While there are different interpretations of this piece, there were many taken at speeds that we had not ever heard and would not be appropriate for the piece.

Symphonie Fantastique:

First and foremost, everyone was worried about the Eb, and that came through in the playing. Yes, we wanted to hear the applicant nail it, but not at the expense of everything around it. Too often the tempo and dynamic was rushed leading up to the Eb and both would severely slacken off afterward.

Also, the excerpt begins at mf and crescendos through the three quarter notes. Nobody did this.

Then there were the ubiquitous pitch issues.

Storm and Sunshine:

This excerpt was very telling from a style point of view, being the only non-orchestral excerpt on the prelims. As such, many people betrayed their lack of understanding of march style concepts (perhaps a thread on this subject would be good, I will attempt to start one soon).

To start, rhythmic integrity was lacking (this is a 6/8 march by J.C. Heed). The eighth notes were rushed and the quarter eighth combinations were often dragged. Most did not play the excerpt at the marked dotted quarter note equalling 160bpm. Second, the quality of attack wasn't there for most auditionees: Clarity and point are paramount; many applicant's articulation was too broad and barely heard. In addition, the note lengths were too broad for a march. Accents were often over emphasised in the wrong place as well as crescendos (often times, the cresc. and accents are paired with the snare and bass drum as subtle movements of the musical phrase, and yet other time accented notes and crescendos are meant to be brought to the fore. Familiarity with the piece will help you to discover which is which).

In short, it was mostly approached from an orchestral standpoint.

Now I realize that most folks are not practicing marches in their studies of excerpts, we understand this. But, we are a band, and marches are an integral part of what we do. There is at least one march on every concert we play (and there will be several in the upcoming July concert), and we play many at several different ceremonies throughout the year. We expected that the applicants would do a little more exploration of this style prior to auditioning.

As an aside, there were still pitch issues within this mostly triadic and scalular excerpt as well.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So that's a pretty hefty list of things to work on, most referring back to fundamentals of playing, and something that we, or any, audition panel will be expecting to hear. Most audition panels will take it for granted that the applicants will be able to display the basics and that they can listen to/concentrate on more musical and subtle aspects of one's playing.

I realize also that we, as an ensemble, are not usually considered first tier; we are no New York Philharmonic, Boston Symphony Orchestra, etc., etc. We are often not included in the second tier.

However, we are a professional musical outfit, and we are a premier service band. The quality of the Coast Guard band is quite high, continues to improve year after year, and is a highly versatile ensemble. There is a certain level of musician that we are looking for, and we take for granted that they will be able to display a certain level of playing.

This is not meant as a rant, nor to beat up on all of the applicants that we had. It is meant as an honest look at what was presented to us and what those applicants need to display to any audition panel before they can expect to win a position in any ensemble at our level. This also isn't to say that there were not any positive aspects diosplayed. There were some fine sounds and some fine moments throughout the course of the audition.

The two finalists displayed some fine qualities but we had soem concerns. I spoke to both of them regarding those concerns and they are automatically advanced to the semifinals of the next audition. We wish them the best of luck and hope to see them in the fall.

I sincerely wish all the best of luck to everyone, and hope to hear some great playing in the fall when the next audition occurs.

I am open to any questions anyone might have, please PM or we can discuss openly in the forum. I hope that only good can come of this post.

All the Best,
-Ben
=========================

Man, it's the same thing again and again and again.

Auditions and Learning

Yesterday I had the good fortune to win a local audition. Each time I take an audition (which isn't so often these days), I learn things. I thought I'd share some new ideas I tried this time around...

• Taping: I taped myself a lot. I set up my practice room at home so the Zoom recorder was always sitting right there and was connected to some halfway decent speakers. Thus, while practicing, I could just reach over and tape a run. I've never taped myself so often while practicing. You really do hear a lot.
  
  
• Sitting: For years I've practiced and auditioned while standing. In that Atlanta audition they required that the excerpts be performed seated. Then I heard that Colin Williams was playing his Boston excerpts seated. I think the reasoning went something like, "It takes the feet out of the equation" (or something like that). Also, when I'm sitting, I find it much easier to tap my foot while I play. Yes, I know professionals aren't supposed to tap their feet. Well, my rhythm is more accurate when I do it. End of story. (in other words, do what you have to do to get the result).
  One other thing, I do use one of those posture pillows behind my back. It seems to help.
  
  
• Inderal: For years, I've scorned that idea of taking the stuff. I always looked down on the idea. Still, after that Atlanta audition I had to admit that many of my playing problems were directly linked to that "fight or flight" response. I finally got a prescription and, after trying it out in a recent concert to make sure my body didn't react too strangely, I used it in this audition.
  
  It was actually quite interesting. I arrived at the site about 45 minutes to an hour before the audition. I took it when I arrived and then began to warm-up. At the beginning of the warm-up I was experiencing those stress-related playing problems I've come to know so well: missing notes on the high side, mind racing and unable to focus, some trouble with a steady tone on louder long notes (especially William Tell), unclean attacks. As I warmed up, I actually felt my physical responses gradually changing until, at "go time," I felt more or less normal; like a regular day of playing.
  
  For what it's worth, the solo portion of my round was OK (a couple flubs near the end on the David first movement) and the excerpt portion was as solid as I've ever played.
  
  If you're young, I wouldn't recommend "jumping to the pill" just yet. I've had a lot of good high-stress performances where I just tried to relax. Still, I have to admit that, in my case, it did seem to help me stay looser and more focused. Some people have terrible trouble with dry mouth; I was drinking a fair amount of water and had no trouble.
  
  
• Arban's: For years, I avoided the Arban's Method. Finally I broke down and bought the expensive Alessi/Bowman audition and have incorporated it into my practicing. Well, maybe I was too quick to judge. Using the major scales, little tonguing tunes, and the chromatic scales, I have definitely improved my focus and accuracy. I also really like Mr. Alessi's comments (no surprise there, I guess).
  Why did I decide to pick up Arban's? Given that this was a smaller audition and that the majority of the committee wouldn't know the excerpts as well as I did, a certain amount of "note counting" was inevitable. In other words, missed notes would probably be a bigger deal.. Therefore, one of my goals was to play a really clean round. For years, I would look down at "note counters" who obsessed over how many notes they missed. Once again, maybe I've been too quick to judge.
  
  
• Perspective: As I practiced, I tried to hear myself through the ears of someone listening to me. In other words, instead of putting my mental focus on the act of creating the sounds, I attempted to focus on the final product that someone, especially a non-trombonist, would hear. Once again, given that most of the people on the committee wouldn't be trombone players, I wanted to hear myself through the ears of a string or a woodwind or (heaven forbid) a conductor. I wouldn't say I changed to play things in a "false" way. But I did keep in mind Alessi's "Popeye syndrome" comments from last summer and decided that maybe I didn't need to play so darn loud. I can't tell you how many auditions I've royally screwed up simple because I tried to play too loud.
  
  If I could travel back in time to my college self, I would grab him by the shoulders, shake him and say, "Stop trying to play so loud, you idiot."
  Didn't Friedman once say, "I've tried to make a career on just sounding pretty."? Worked pretty well for him.
  
  For this audition, I was thinking something like, "Keep it clean. Play with a pretty, musical sound."

Re-reading this post, I'm struck by how many times I used the phrase "for years." Even at my age, I'm still re-learning things I should have known all along...

• tape yourself a lot
• maybe sitting isn't so bad
• tapping your foot isn't a curse
• Inderal isn't automatically a bad thing
• Arban's can have a lot of value
• Hear yourself as your audience will hear you
• Don't play so loud!

I heard a good quote recently about teaching and learning:

"One who learns from one who is learning drinks from a moving stream."

Better this than stagnant water.

5 Kinds of Hard

As summer vacation starts, I'm beginning to tackle some "back burner" kinds of things. One of these has been to revamp the sight-reading I use with juries and ensemble auditions.

The first step: I've been composing half-page sight-reading pieces. My goal is to have 10 such pieces (I've written 6 thus far) and then rotate them.

As I compose these things, I want something that works musically and presents a variety of challenges. This brings me back to my of my doctoral dissertation days.

The title?

(Warning: do not read this title if you are operating heavy machinery)

Pedagogical Materials for the College-Level Trombone Student: The Application of Objective Grading Criteria to a Selected List of Materials as Determined by a National Survey of College-Level Trombone Teachers.

OK, I hope you had a nice nap.

Here's one of the questions I was dealing with in this dissertation:
What makes something challenging?

Pieces receive a difficulty grades but, what makes them tough? We understand intuitively that there are different kinds of challenge. For my dissertation, I identified 5 types of challenge:

1. Melodic/Harmonic
Challenge coming from: awkward intervals, tough key signatures, chromaticism/atonality

2. Rhythmic/Metric
Challenge coming from: strange meters, tricky rhythms

3. Notational
Challenge coming from: clefs, dense accidentals

4. Agility
Challenge coming from: arpeggios, leaps

5. Fluency
Challenge coming from fast runs

So basically, one of the things I did in my dissertation was to go through a standard list of etudes and give each one 5 difficulty grades.

OK, back to the subject of sight-reading....

Sight reading is a tricky thing to practice because you need lots of stuff to sight read.
How to go about it methodically?
Yes, I've looked at the Lafosse series but, as time passes, the need to read manuscript slowly diminishes. Also the speed of clef changes is a little ridiculous as you advance.

If someone wanted to set up a systematic approach to sight-reading, they could organize it around the 5 areas of challenge. Treat them singly and also in combination. For example: one section that has lots of leaps but isn't too tough in other ways.
Later, you might have another section that is rhythmically tough and harmonically weird.

Or, how about rhythmically tough, harmonically weird, with lots of clef changes and strange meters...oh wait, that's the Blazhevich Clef Studies.

Who knows, maybe this summer I'll get motivated and churn out lots of sight reading....

(don't hold your breath)

Oh yes, one other thing: I plan to sign up for the online service Sight Read This. Hey, it's only $4.95/year. Maybe I'll blog about my opinions once I use it a bit.

Peter Moore...the bar just keeps going up

And now, from the "thank heavens I have a job" department a youtube clip (thanks to Kevin Jones for the heads-up).

Peter Moore, aged 12, recently won the BBC Young Musician competition. His winning piece: Mvt. 3 of the Tomasi Concerto.

Here's the official blurb:

Peter Moore was last night named BBC Young Musician of the Year 2008 at a nail-biting and visually stunning final at Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff - the youngest ever winner of the competition.

Organised by BBC Wales, this was the first all-male final and trombonist Peter, aged just 12, took the coveted title against stiff competition from talented young musicians from around the UK.

Belfast-born Peter now lives in Stalybridge and is a pupil at Chetham's School of Music, Manchester. All his family members are brass players and his parents were both French horn players in the Ulster Orchestra. His brother David is studying at the Royal Northern College of Music in Manchester and also entered the competition.

I repeat: age 12 !!!

Air to Lips

This post has a special secret message at the end.

(Hint: it's "Air to Lips")

In a recent lesson, we began to talk about tongue position in articulation. This student had been told, like many of us, not to put the tongue between the teeth when tonguing.

(Don't worry about that,
just get the air to the lips)

I related a Jay Friedman masterclass I once saw in which he said he tongued between the teeth. This elicited an audible gasp from some in the audience. He said he preferred it because it provided a good path for the air.

(Yeah, like I was saying: Air to Lips)

I don't really like to think about my tonguing. Hey, if isn't broke....still, it doesn't seem to me that my actual "point of contact" is the tip of tongue at all. It seems like it is closer to a spot just above the tip. This spot makes a brief seal just behind the upper teeth.

(Dude, you are so over-thinking this!
Air to Lips!!!)

I'll also admit that, for tonguing pedals, my tongue actually touches the lip, effectively "kick-starting" the note.

(And...did that technique get the
"blank" to the "blanks"???
Probably yes or you wouldn't use it)

The only exception, something I never wanted to admit until Alessi talked about it: for super-smooth legato (esp on double tonguing) I actually pull the tongue back in the mouth so that it lightly grazes the roof of the mouth. Alessi referred to this region of the mouth as the "gulley" a termed coined by Phil Smith if I remember correctly.

(OK, call me crazy but did this happen to
allow that whole smooth "Air to Lips" thing??)

OK, this has been a bit too much analysis and I hope it helps and doesn't mess up people.

(Are we ready for that "secret message")

Whatever you do with the tonguing, remember that the main goal is to deliver...

(...here it comes; drumroll please:)

AIR TO LIPS

(ooh, big surprise)

Hail to Ives

I post this with a mixture of humor and sympathy.

Hail to the Chief at a recent White House arrival ceremony.

Wow, I'm thinking someone got in trouble over this.

Why I don't teach flying...

I point out they're dragging...and then they rush.

I point out that a note is sharp...and then they play it flat.

I point out that it is too soft....and then they blast.


overcompensation: they mean well but...

Suppose I have a flying student and I point out that they're letting the nose dip a bit much and they should pull up...















you get the idea

Cool Notes (young Alexandre's composition lesson)

Here's a story that might help with phrasing...

Imagine a young Alexandre Guilmant arriving at his composition lesson having written the following piece ...













His composition teacher (Jacques-Nicolas Lemmens, if we can trust Wikipedia), thoughtfully scratches his beard and says, "Well, young Alexandre, this theme is rather nice but it lacks a certain Je-ne-sais-quoi "

He pulls out his pen and, with great flourish, adds a few notes to spice things up a bit...











"Oui, oui!" shouts Alexandre. Now I see! This piece has interesting notes in it. I shall become a famous composer!"

Soooo, when you play this piece (or any piece), be sure to aim at those cool notes.

The Inverse Ping principle

Here's a general rule I try to follow when tonguing...

Softer notes = more ping at the beginning of the note
Loud notes = less ping

For example, in Hungarian March, I want to let the air do the work on that run. I feel as if I'm using very little tongue since there's so much air.

On softer notes like, maybe, the scherzo from Tchaik. 4, I use more "ping" or "pop" at the front of the note.

Maybe I'm wrong here but it seems to work...

Keepin' it Smooth

I know I've talked about this before at some point.
As we move our slides quickly (but not too quickly!), we need to keep that air stream very smooth.
It is so easy for the blowing to reflect the slide movement.
Trying playing a passage with silent blowing. Listen to your air stream as you move the slide.
I talk about this in the BoneTips portion of my website.

Here's a simple exercise that should help...

Spring Trombone Night

Happy International Trombone Week.
Here's the program from our Spring Trombone Night Concert..


Spring Trombone Night
In celebration of International Trombone Week

Mon. April 7th, 2008 ~ 7:30 pm ~ Recital Hall


Fanfare for 8 Loud Trombones .....Joel Baroody

Grand Canyon Octet .....Eric Ewazen
Conductor: Ryan Tinker

Loch Lomond .....Traditional
Soloists: Zek Wardlaw, Ryan Tinker, Russ Zokaites

BoneWeek Fanfare 5, "Arbington" .....Brad Edwards

The Carolina Trombone Collective:
Zek Wardlaw, Matt Henderson, Alex Manley, David Dodgen, Ryan Tinker, Russell Ramirez,
Greg Abraham, Hunter White, Nathan Lodge, Russ Zokaites, Brad Edwards, Director


Canonic Sonata in A minor ....Georg Philipp Telemann
II. Piacevole non largo
III. Presto
Greg Abraham, Colt Campbell

Suite #1 in G major .....J.S. Bach
Menuetto
Gigue
Nathan Lodge, bass trombone

Dances from a Hillside Manor .....Eric Culver
David Dodgen, Zek Wardlaw, Alex Manley, Russ Zokaites

Trois Pieces .....Eugene Bozza
I. Allegro
II. Moderato
III. Allegro Vivo
Matt Henderson, Russell Ramirez, Zek Wardlaw, Nathan Lodge


Kyrie from the Pangue Lingua Mass..... Josquin des Pres
Arr. Matt Herring

O Mille Volte .....Luca Marenzio
Arr. Jay Lichtmann


The USC Trombone Choir
Brad Edwards, Conductor

The lungs don't count

....wait, it's not what you think.

Of course the lungs count for breathing, tone, survival.

What I mean is, Don't count with your lungs.
Here are some typical bad habits I see students get into:


Take this example:







It is amazing how many people will start breathing in the 16th rest! The result is a breath that is way too small and probably an entrance that is late.
In effect they are using their breathing/lungs to help with counting.

Here's a more compelling example:







In this string of upbeats, I often see people swell the tone on the downbeat, trying to keep a sense of the beat. It might sound like this.

Lungs are great for breathing and I agree that one should breathe in time. I'm just saying that there are some bad habits with the way we breathe in and blow out that seem to be connected with the idea of trying to keep time with the lungs.

It seems so simple...

I'll start with a story from a former student. He was studying with Jim Markey and struggling with Bolero. Then Markey said something that seemed to really help (I'm paraphrasing here, of course)...

"Can you make that sound better?"

Hmm, so simple it seems silly. But.....it worked.

I tried it today in a few lessons. When the student seemed to be wrapped up in some detail or other, I'd simply suggest, "Can you make that sound good?" or "Make those notes sound good."

..... it worked every time.

Shouldn't this be obvious??

Still, I even tried it on myself and...it worked.

Sometimes the simple stuff is the most profound.

Try it:
In your next practice session, remind yourself, "Make each note sound good."

As Jacobs would say, "Make every note worth $50."

(of course, with inflation, each note has probably risen to $72.50 or, if you're using gas prices as a model, $465.99)

Singing, Barbershop and Brass

This from one of my students. Philadelphia Orchestra barbershop quartet (1984) with Roger Blackburn, Joseph Alessi, Glenn Dodson, Charles Vernon.

Here's the part I love...that seamless transition from playing to singing.

That highway we need...

In the brain, the musical concept!

Now, we need to have a clear pathway straight to the lips.

Here are two images:

Instead of the information traveling this way:














You want it to travel this way...













How to do this?

• sing
• buzz
• play
• get out of the way

(in other words, no running self-commentary, just sound)

And remember: the lips follow the brain, not the other way around.

ETW on the web

Here's a link to some of the ETW 2007 events in case you're interested...

ETW 2007

Thoughts from the "Analysis-Paralysis" Department

Warning: I'm mostly an "Inner Game" guy.
I consider analysis of mechanics to be something of a Pandora's Box.


Still....


Item #1: Bounce Backs
Here's one I see often: As a student plays a downward leap I watch their embouchure. Often I see an adjustment, especially for leaps to low notes. Not, in itself, a bad thing (depending on what kind of adjustment we're talking about).
However: I often see the embouchure make too big an adjustment and then "bounce back." Basically, I think the "less is more" or "quiet down the embouchure" approaches are good here. Try the following leaps...




Look in a mirror as you do this. You may notice that your embouchure over-adjusts for the leap and then has to bounce back to a more centered position. In your sound, you may hear this as a scoop up from below the pitch.


Item #2 Pull Aways
I observed something odd in a lesson today. I have often buzzed a note on my mouthpiece and then, while continuing to buzz, gently placed the mouthpiece into the horn.
Try this buzzing an F-sharp and put in the mouthpiece while the horn is in first position. You'll end up with a very pinched F.

But ...
I've never done the opposite. Play the note on my trombone and then, while sustaining the buzz, pull the mouthpiece out of the horn.

When I did this on a low B-flat, big surprise, the buzz magically floated up to roughly a D-flat.
What caused this? Am I aiming too high?
It was easy to make a small adjustment to retain the B-flat pitch, by the way.

You might logically conclude that I could buzz a D-flat and return the mouthpiece to get the same sounding B-flat. Nope, just a really foul, uncentered something.

Incidentally, this effect doesn't seem to happen on higher notes.

Maybe it could just be the act of pulling out the mouthpiece and disengaging from the nodes of the standing wave in the horn.

I'm not too worried about it and don't plan to change anything. Still, I find it interesting. Oh and by the way, if I pull the horn off my face while attempting to continue the sound, the buzz simply stops. I know there are different opinions on this but I'm siding with the camp that says the buzz should stop.

If you try this experiment, I'd be curious to hear about your results in the comments section.

Accepting Dissonance to Find Consonance

Here's an idea that came up in a lesson a while back...

A student was playing along with the drone, working on locking in pitch. He was close but not right on the money. He seemed reluctant to make larger adjustments (I see this a lot).

I got him to purposely bend farther out of tune and just listen to the beats. Once he had "permission" to play the note out of tune, he seemed to relax and hear the pitch in a more non-judgmental way. In other words, he was simply hearing his intonation without any extra moral connotations.

Sure enough, he quickly "locked in" the tuning.

That's when I noted,

"Maybe you have to accept dissonance in order to find consonance."

Maybe that could a be life lesson as well.

BoneWeek Fanfare 5

Better late than never!

I've finished and posted BoneWeek Fanfare 5 for trombone octet.

I've made it a bit easier than previous fanfares.

It's all available free from my website...